In the workshop....

The workshop is the place to go on a daily basis to sit and be quiet and for me to deliberately create what I want. Well, I try to attend my workshops daily but have found it difficult to manage lately. In my workshops recently I have been extremely unispired. I have felt that it is my actual writing that is holding me back. I am writing the same things. Thinking the same things and finding it difficult to be creative in any way with the writing. So, this evening in my workshop I have felt inspired to start my blog anew. I sit now, eyes closed typing away "in the zone"...

I started this blog in the summer of 2005. The name of my blog remains the same as that is what I am here to do. Open up and find my truth. This blogspot of trustjourneytruth began at a very stressful time of my life. It did not last long as I was seraching desperately for a safe place to lay it all out and got REALLY lost in so many ways. The wonders of technology saved those entries for me.....I read them and quickly deleted them. Talking about, reading about and thinking about the past is a very bad habit!! I start my blog now with hope and a true sense of myself. No stress....no desperate search for what I should do. Just the understanding that this is what I need to do in order to live my life fully. In order to always stay connected to my source. I am not venting, I am releasing my power by giving it an outlet.

I can create anything I want in my life. All I need to do is think it and it is so. To be easily distracted by many things is a VERY challenging postition I put myself in on a pretty regular basis. I can sit and be peaceful as I am now, and I can also feel frantic and anxious tomorrow when I am allowing myself to be distracted.

I have found myself classifying a recent relationship as a distraction and questioning myself in the situation. However, I have found NO peace whatsoever when I use that distinction to describe. I fully believe that I attract people into my life and that I must allow everything the relationship brings. Allowing is difficult when one constantly questions why. I cannot and do not want to figure out why. I just want it to be. So, how can I do that and still have the fine line of my intention and what I want intact? Well, I can say that I want many things and that all of these things will come to me as I only think of them and not the lack of them. Here's what I want.

I want to someone in my that I can be active with, to laugh a lot and have fun. Altogether enjoy being around.

I want to stay focused on my intention of living in beauty, love, abundance, openness and creativity. I live in the abundance I create.

I want financial freedom. I want to be VERY busy with good jobs.

I want to own the home on Jefferson street as I know that it will be the place for my children and I to build a HOME together finally!!!

I want to have enough money to travel.

I want to have enough money to pay off my bills within a year from now.

I want myself and my children to always be healthy and disease free.

I want to see my sister and her family on a more regular basis.

I want to be fit and have the desire to stay fit, healthy and tobacco free.

I want to smile every day with my children and stay active with them.

I want my children to be appreciative of our blessings and learn HOW to appreciate from me.

I want to give more of myself and my time to those who are in need.

I want a Harley.

I want my vehicle to always be reliable.

I want my hair to grow faster.

I want my chidren to see in me the joy and passion I have for life. I want them to see that it is up to them to create their own life and that anything they want will come.

All of these things I can type and say without any compunction. So as I typed in the first thing I want....there it is. I am getting what I want. Why am I afraid to let it be? I guess I don't know if I am afraid, I am wary and I think that is different than fear. I do not feel trustworthy in a dating type scenario. I can't put my finger on it yet what exactly is going on. Wait a second!!! WHY must I have any part of it fully defined just to feel better? To rationalize? I don't need to feel better about it, I already feel wonderful!!! Stop! Let it be. Being conscious of my behaviors is ok, fear is not! Fear induces my own betrayal of emotion and truth. Fear brings upon my consciousness the untrusting feelings of myself ....which only draws to me exactly what I DO NOT TRUST IN MYSELF!!!! Trust myself to stay true to my intention. Stay clear on what I want and it will be so. I am clear with what I want. I have created it deliberately by thinking it and believeing it to be there. I must now learn how to allow all of those things to manifest in my life. Asking and believing....then being presented with what you want and believed to be coming.....then not allowing it to be so. What a shame that is. I WILL NOT be that person. I will allow all that I want and believe to come to me.

Call it what you will the Universe, Allah, God, Jesus Christ, Budda, Jehovah, The Holy Spirit....I it is my belief that all of those are ONE. That all of those are one and that WE are a part of it. We can and should expect all of the things we want to become reality. What is the good in hoping for, thinking of and then receiving all the crap???? I only want the good. I no longer need the junk in my life to learn lessons. I need only to trust myself and the emotions that guide my being. Consciousness in conscience. Intention....

WOW! In the past 3 weeks I have had moments of what I call "being on fire" but nothing like this with my "writing". Peaceful and true to myself. I needed this and have to thank my friend Kendra for posting on FB that she was updating her blog. When I saw that I knew immediately that this is where I would find my creativity, wisdom, peacefulness, trust of myself and my truth. Aaaaahhhhhh......serenity.