To follow up my last post, I am a bit irritated with myself. That isn't productive, but I AM! When I buckle down and decide to clean and organize I feel so good! So, I just spent a whopping hour doing some deep cleaning and organizing to get this little house ready to be shown when I put my notice in and have SO much junk to throw away! 12 pack soda boxes, boxes from humidifiers, blenders, junk mail, my old golf bag, the box my clubs came in, more junk mail, cleaning out the refrigerator, empty snack boxes.....why do I have so many boxes just laying around? Anyway, making serious progress and going to be in great shape by tomorrow when I go to work. The kids are with me this week and of course we are busy. That is if the weather decides to shape up we'll be busy with baseball and soccer.
I am going to "band practice" today!! I love that I am involved in this. What a great group!!! I actually really wanted to go to Denver this weekend and see my non-boyfriend :) but wanted to make this Sunday afternoon a priority. It is beginning to get extremely difficult to juggle all that I want and need to do, so it is good that I am taking the time for this today.
Next weekend though I am headed down there. I am looking forward to it as it will have been 3 weeks since we have seen each other. In person that is. My close friends have been saying that I shouldn't be the only one traveling to see him and that he should come here. But, I really don't care about it like that. First of all, Denver is WAY more fun than here! My schedule is more flexible...well that isn't really true but sort of. I guess he could come here more but again I don't care! I have realized that I don't want to be seen around this town with anyone over the course of a couple of days because then the talk starts. I may be making my status more important than it really is...I guess more people know him and that is how it would go. But anyway, I really like the anonymity of being there. I am not ready to be classified as in a relationship around here and like the freedom it brings me. What does that mean? It isn't as though I am dating other people. I won't either. I maybe could but not interested. Why would I do that when all of my needs such as they are, are being met now!! I can't say that I have a lot of them, but laughter and fun and honesty are the ones I can think of and there you go. All of those things are right up his alley and I am having fun! We are on the mutual admiration bus and it is good. We both like each other exactly the way we are and we like ourselves more than anyone else likes us :) May sound arrogant but it is true and I don't think it is a bad thing.
I have noticed changes in my attitude lately though. I will have to be more careful as I have been finding myself with NO filter whatsoever and that really isn't how I want to be remembered. Over the top has its place but it isn't everywhere and I need to be aware of the company I am in. A new found freedom to be who I want to be can be overwhelming and I want to leave others with a positive feeling after being around me. Not leave thinking..."wow I hope I don't have to be in "that" kind of company very often. I am exhausted!" Again, I may be putting more emphasis on myself here than is reality but I do feel WAY more boisterous and obnoxious lately. And being aware of my "presence" is an important tool.
This is going to help.
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